A personal relationship where love is shared cannot be bought or sold. Love...a sense of belonging, a caring for one; more important than life itself. Feelings so strong, till death do you part! These definitions of love, most of us have felt and the lucky ones still carry in their hearts. For others this state of bliss will not last forever.
What happens to those who made choices that did not end up in a lifetime of bliss? For those, the promised love evaporates and is replaced by bitterness, anger and pain. Separations and/or divorce are often messy and quickly replace the sought blissful state with a flood of emotions that drain the soul. Step by step, we go through the process of tearing that once special person from our soul, and when done, we often feel small and alone.
For those leaving long term relationships coping with the strange new world can be daunting. Feeling inadequate to merge back into the social world they left so long ago can be terrifying. At the same time, the urge to seek companionship is strong. Initial attempts of re-entry can feel wrong with hopeless thoughts of not fitting in. We are left with depression and thoughts that perhaps a lonely life alone is our best hope.
At this bridge we have choices...accept failure and continue to pass your days alone or to reassess and learn to cope with the new world. Perhaps dismal now, here are things you can do to succeed in obtaining happiness.
Living in this new world takes time.
We look back and remember the first steps our children took and the number of falls required before success. As exampled, before seeking relationships, take small steps and first seek friends. Develop a social life, look back in your past and find something you enjoyed before your marriage or seek new interests. Group activities or clubs can expose you to the new world and help you make friends. Friendships can give you new purpose and reconnect you with the world. Don't rush, give yourself time to settle your emotions and self-worth will soon follow. Fill your days with things to do and use your couch for a place to rest, after an active day, instead of a hiding place.
The time to seek a new partner varies with each individual but should not be rushed. If rushed, we carry unresolved baggage into the relationship that guarantees failure. No partner can measure up to the fantasies unresolved baggage can create. Our minds must be cleared of old issues and angers before we can accept and give affection or love to another. Baggage can take many faces, anger at your former spouse, at yourself, pain from separation, whatever, this baggage must be let go before you can take up another relationship. When you again can wake up with a smile and look forward to the days activities, it is your time to seek a new relationship.
Time...we take for granted and many refuse to understand. Sometimes so slow when pain is in our hearts and so fast when the years click by. Most important to remember, time is steady and if not rushed, will heal our wounds and make us whole again. We need to allow time to work its magic and heal the cracks of our heart before we can search for our new love.
For I believe there is love for each of us, and for each of us...our time will come!